Lying to the Poor

Tonight I met a woman.

I was in the park with a friend, taking the dog for a walk, and we came across a woman with her two little boys.

We said hello and walked on. As we criss-crossed our way across the park, we came across them again, and the boys were excited by the dog. I said hello again and stopped to chat for a minute, asking her about her boys, if she lived nearby, what a nice evening it was out, she asked where I was from, how old I was and if I was married and why not (the usual) and we went on our way. As we wound our way back around the park to leave we came across them again and this time she nervously asked if she could ask me a question. She was talking fast so I didn't catch all that she said, but the gist of the story is that her husband used to work in construction working with cement, a year ago he was hit by a car and now he is at home and can't work. One time a woman like me helped her and so now her husband tells her to try to find some foreigners to help her and the boys. I could tell this woman was ashamed, and her voice broke as she spoke. I stood there like a deer caught in the headlights not knowing what to say or do. And then, to my great horror, I looked her in the face, and lied.  I told her that I was sorry but I had left the house without any money, when I knew that I had 35 somon (about $8) in my pocket at that very moment.

I have spent the last four and a half years working with the poor, talking with the poor, talking about the poor, reading about the poor, harshly criticizing how people treat the poor, learning all sorts of elaborate theories that I can spout about the poor, and today someone who was obviously in need stands in front of me and actually asks me for help.....and I lie.

Some would tell me "Well you can't help everyone!" That's true, but perhaps I could have helped one family even just a little.

Some would tell me "giving just encourages begging and the perception that all foreigners are their personal ATMs!" That also is often true. However, this woman was not the typical street woman. No one was watching. She was broken and ashamed, and was fighting back her tears. This woman was in need.

I was uncomfortable… I lied… and I walked away.

Ugh!

The worst part of it is that I didn't even ask her what she needed. I assumed it was money, but I didn't ask. For four years straight I have been speaking out against just assuming what people need, and that's exactly what I did. Perhaps she would have been happy with food, maybe she needed clothes, perhaps I could have taken her number and found someone who could help her. Maybe she really just needed someone to sit down beside her and be a friend. 

Really, almost anything would have been better than what I did. 

I am ashamed.

There may yet be time to redeem myself. The park is right across from a section of aparment buildings where she lives, and I have the feeling that she likely visits the park with her sons quite regularly in the evening in order to get a break from her husband, and let the boys play. If I have the courage and if I dare, I may just find her there again. 

This time, what will I do?

Right now, I'm not really sure.